Clay Andrews is a dating and relationship coach who helps women find the right type of man they can create a loving and thriving relationship with. DO NOT, however, play that cheesy, fake game of acting like you’re starting over by asking questions you already know the answer to. Exceptions To The ‘No Contact’ Rule, Begged and Pleaded With Your Ex Already? To be updated by email when we have new content, click here to join our free mailing list. Seeing ex for first time since break up. What Does It Mean To Take Things Slow With an Ex: Here’s Exactly What It Means + Why It’s Important, The #1 Deadly Mistake That Is Guaranteed To Destroy Any Chance of You Getting Your Ex Back. Same time as before?”. If you don’t, be patient and give your ex more time. (I mean, obviously, right . No Contact Rule To Get Husband Or Wife Back, The Worst Ex-Back Advice I’ve Heard On Getting An Ex Back, Phases of a Rebound Relationship and Stages, How To Cope If You Initiated The Breakup But Still Feel Sad. It might sound cliche, but less is really more in this situation. You want him/her to walk away wishing you could’ve stayed longer and realizing how much they really did miss you. This one’s a big one, guys… but it’s a LOT easier than you think it is. Abruptly cutting communication and depriving ourselves (and our exs) of the routine of each others presence will usually catalyze the need to talk rather than diminish it. It’s because you are starting over with your ex. From my experience, it’s usually a form of “grass is greener”, but in reverse. Bettering yourself for you makes you a more attractive person for your ex or for someone else. When it’s time to reconnect with your ex you need to forget about trying to win him or her back and instead approach the situation with an open mind. That does not mean that you coldly or awkwardly end the meeting. You can’t have them thinking that all it took to get you back was for them to flick a switch. He is the creator of Ex Solution Program- a program that helps couples get back together. If you're the girl and he initiated the date with you, you should ping him to let him know you appreciate his effort the first go round. And had we stayed together all of this time would I have grown into the woman I am today? So, don’t do that. [Especially When You Want Your Ex Back], How To Get Your Ex Back After a Short-Term Relationship [Yes There is Hope and You Can Get Your Ex Back], How Effective Is No Contact After a Breakup: Here’s Why the No Contact Rule is So Powerful + Why You Should Follow It. Quite often an ex-boyfriend will read your message and be so surprised you have text that he doesn’t know what to say. During the no contact period, actually do these things so that you’ll have great things to share with them during this conversation and to better yourself for YOU. Seeing ex for first time since break up . What keeping it to yourself for now does is to keep your ex moving toward you by ensuring the mystery and the direction stay alive. “What the heck is priming?” In sales priming is the act of warming a customer up to buy. If your ex says they’ll let you know, you need to back off for two weeks or so before you reach out again and even then, it’s best to go back into no contact again until you hear from them. You are meeting up with your ex to see how he or she is doing and see if the two of you are even still compatible and could make a future relationship work. Allow this to happen naturally, and above all else, don’t rush things. You want to avoid getting into an approval seeking mindset when you’re getting ready to contact your ex after a period of active no contact. Don’t make it obvious to your ex that you are starting over with them after no contact. Tell your ex that it was great to see them, but then get going. A long period of no contact is important after a breakup if you want to have any chance at all, ... better person so that if you do get together with your ex things will be different this time. Question: My ex has not reached out to me after I followed the no-contact rule for 30 days. It’s a win/win and is good for you regardless. If you're the guy, and you're the one that initiated the first date you should let her come to you at her own pace. Move forward slowly, calmly, and casually. Vent . ©2020 MyExBackCoach.com. Be comfortable with the possibility that the two of you will act like a couple for a time without having the label again yet. If your ex says they’ll let you know, you need to back off for two weeks or so before you reach out again and even then, it’s best to go back into no contact again until you hear from them. The next logical step to get your ex back after No Contact is to meet up with them. Do you remember that?”. If you can’t hook up with her sexually, at least get a warm, goodbye hug and make it last for at least … It’s not quite date number one, because you obviously already know your ex. Don’t tell them how you stayed in bed crying and eating ice cream. You don’t know what they’ve been up to lately and they don’t know what you’ve been up to. Ive gotten this question so many times since my review of the NO CONTACT rule. The end game here is different from person to person. Use of site constitutes agreement with, {"cookieName":"wBounce","isAggressive":false,"isSitewide":true,"hesitation":"","openAnimation":"bounce","exitAnimation":"pulse","timer":"","sensitivity":"","cookieExpire":"15","cookieDomain":"","autoFire":"","isAnalyticsEnabled":true}. The first meeting with your ex after active no contact should be more like a first date, like meeting them again for the first time. How to get your ex back after no contact? First of all, it lets your ex experience kissing you again. This can be explained in different aspects. But the odds are good if you’re following the instructions here that you will get a yes from them. He developed The Emergency Breakup Kit, a powerful guide to winning back an ex. The act of seeing someone new can be anything from going on dates and having casual flings to settling into a serious relationship with something new. The very fact that your ex has reached out to you (texts, emails, snaps, or calls) probably means that your no contact has been able to make your ex miss you and they are interested in getting back together – at least to some degree. So bad I had to run into the bathroom to catch my breath. Don’t tell them how ever present and overwhelming the pain of missing them was. So im seeing my ex girlfriend for the first time tomorrow at work for the first time in nearly 3 weeks. But the truth is, I was not the same person in 2007 that I am today. Or did you guys just come together, talk about the past and go your separate ways? You certainly don’t want to keep chatting with your ex until he/she starts glancing at the phone or clock feeling that the visit has reached a lull. Coach Lee helps people get their ex back after a breakup. How To Get My Ex Back Fast | My Ex Back Coach. If you’ve been following active no contact then you have made a … Your ex looks genuinely happy to have run into you, which of course triggers the nervousness inside of you. 4.5K views I can tell you from nearly twenty years in the relationship-recovery service that in order to attract your ex back, you must be disciplined about sharing your feelings with your ex. Should I Play Hard To Get To Get My Ex Back? As far as coffee next week, Tuesday won’t work for me, but Thursday will. Have some stories to tell them about some interesting or great things that have happened to you since you last saw them. Our relationship was toxic and it has severely damaged my self esteem and fucked with my head a lot. It should be about seeing if there is still chemistry and if the new you still really still wants to get back together with your ex. Here is How To Fix it and Get Your Ex Back. 55,865 55.9K. When Is It Bad To Ignore Your Ex? This meeting is not about winning him or her back that very day, but about reconnecting and seeing where things may possibly go. Your ex still needs to feel that things are a little different since they broke up with you. Closure Letter To Ex – Should You Write One? I haven't seen her in a month. What to do after the no contact rule: How to talk to an ex again. For example, you could say, “A friend of mine invited me to that restaurant we went to where you tried duck for the first time. Contact Your Ex. Sometimes a kiss at the end of the get together is all it takes to get you two on the path to being, “back together.”. During the last 3 weeks i have not contacted her in anyway but she has spoke to me a few times, the last time being a week ago. Ive seen what shes been getting up to, meeting new boys and openly flirting with them for everyone to see. Then ask them what’s been happening with them. ), What to Do If Your Ex Blocks You on Facebook, How To Show Your Ex You Have Changed (Powerful Strategies Revealed Inside), Here’s Exactly When You Should Ask Your Ex To Be Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Again, 5 Devastating Mistakes That Will Ruin Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back, How To Decode My Ex’s Behavior and Actions [What To Do + What NOT To Do To Get Your Ex Back], Should I Apologize To My Ex Or Let It Go? If they ask if you missed them, say something like, “Of course I did,” and leave it at that. Send out a feeler text to see what reaction you get. ), a new skill you’re learning like an instrument or class, and things along those lines. –Coach LeeSUBSCRIBE On YouTube | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | Newsletter. Even if there’s a lot left you want to say to an ex, a casual run-in is not the … You are just checking in with them and finding out if the chemistry is still there. I see many women falling into the trap of wanting to talk to their exes about things that interest them, but not their ex. If we take into consideration only the first 12 months, a total of 86 dumpers broke no contact and contacted their exes after 7.16 months on average. If you’ve been following active no contact then you have made a lot of positive changes in your life. In a sense, your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend needs to feel that they need to earn you back to a degree. When your ex reaches out to invite you to get together or accepts your invitation to do the same, do not make it an emotional, dramatic reunion. By happy again, 9 years ago on Getting Back. I get that it possibly was true that you constantly missed them and hurt for them. It would be great if a kiss happened at the end and there are many reasons for that. I talk about how to get that to happen and its importance in the Emergency Breakup Kit (get more information on that at https://myexbackcoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit/). The label will likely come with time. During the conversation with your ex, casually bring up something funny or a great time the two of you had doing something. The first meeting with your ex after active no contact should be more like a first date, like meeting them again for the first time. How to Salvage Your Situation + Get Your Ex Back, What Your Ex Means When They Said “It’s Me, Not You”… (Or Any Common Breakup Excuse), How To Break the Silence and Build a New Connection With Your Ex (and Get Them Back), How To Get Your Ex To Chase You (and Give Your Relationship a Second Chance), 8 Unmistakable Signs Your Ex (Secretly) Wants You Back, Did You Make These Mistakes After No Contact? Please do not GNAT your ex! Copyright © 2018 - Soulfulfilling Love. Should I talk to my ex about the breakup, for instance, is a question that I am asked all the time as people try to push their ex to commit once again. I broke down and sent her a text recently and we exchanged 15 or so messages but nothing to do with "us." If you two kissed well and they enjoyed it, then your ex will think, “I didn’t know I missed kissing her/him this much!”. Question: My ex-girlfriend says it’s over and there is no chance for us but she is still calling me and says things like it’s a shame it turned out like this and I saw you today and you looked sad. In that case, after giving them a few days, it should be okay to reach out with something like this: “Hey there! If your ex girlfriend wants to meet up, then that’s fine, but if they don’t contact you first, suggest that the two of you meet for a cup of coffee or something else that is very low-pressure with little commitment. This first meeting should be like meeting someone for the first time. After a period of no contact has passed, it will be time to reach out to your ex. When your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact, the emotions come back, old passions flare, and your brain starts spinning around wondering what the heck you should do. There’s a reason for that. Your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend needs to sense that you aren’t just going to jump back into their arms. This method means no contact for about 30 days after your initial break up. Don't Over-Talk. Always remember this principle of life – we value things more that have a higher price. At least in the short-term. If there’s a funny story or a very romantic time you can casually mention in that way, it subconsciously opens the door to the relationship again. Assume that your ex wants to see you. My Ex Broke Up With Me Because He Needed Space: What Should I Do? I don't know about you, but when I get nervous, I talk and I talk and I talk in an effort … My Ex Is Sending Me Mixed Signals and Driving Me Crazy: What Should I Do To Get My Ex Back? During your no contact period, when you are calm, confident, and collected, here’s what you should do: Think about what you know about your ex, and make a list of things that will engage him. Should You Initiate Contact With the Ex that Dumped You? Remember, they don’t get to have you and not have you at the same time. It's always helpful to have some easy conversation topics in mind so you … Tell them about fun times with your friends or family, a trip you took, good business happenings, a new achievement in sports (ran a race, low score in golf, rec center team did well, etc. The best is still to avoid talking about any of this and to focus on subjects that have nothing to do with the breakup. This is to give your ex time to let go of bad memories, and any anger he may hold, instead it may push the happier memories to the front of his mind, which will make him miss you and want you back. To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, Schedule A Coaching Call With Me or get more information on my Emergency Breakup Kit. All rights reserved. It has been dragging on for about 8 weeks which is since the time we broke up. So my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. Like many others, you have approached the no-contact rule with the wrong mindset. Meeting Up With Your Ex For The First Time Since The Break If your ex asks to meet you, it’s generally a good sign that he or she might want you back. Articles on dating relationships, getting an ex back after a break up, and content to help you experience the best in your relationships. But even after that, don’t get too serious, sappy or attempt to “define” the relationship. Keep It Short And Sweet. I made eye contact with him in Target and it sent me into a full blown panic attack in the store. DON'T be caught off guard. But resist the urge to try to simply cut out the breakup and pick up where you were. Now, I know what you are thinking. Another option after the No Contact period is to … When I coach my clients through this process? That’s not only important to getting them back, but to keeping them. Should I contact him? You want your ex to walk away wanting more. See our Terms of Use. Move forward slowly, calmly, and casually. Detach yourself from winning your ex back. How To Make a Good Impression On Your Ex After No Contact. Seeing him instantly reactivated the networks my mind encoded 15 years before. They will get to feel some of that spark and some of that attraction again. If your ex-boyfriend doesn’t respond to your first contact text message then you should be patient and wait it out for 7-10 days. Your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend isn’t receptive right now to knowing how badly you have missed them and how badly you want them back. In this video Clay Andrews, a relationship coach talks about how to make a good impression on your ex after No Contact and get the most out of your first interaction. If they think you are too easily and too quickly won back, your value goes down. Up until now, you may be asking yourself the explanation behind the 30 day no contact rule psychology. It’s a question I’m still mulling over. Throw a bear hug into the mix — and the accompanying flood of oxytocin — and that old brain circuitry lit up like fireworks. While you are starting over in terms of your pursuit or courting of your ex, you shouldn’t erase history either, so referring to great times you had together is a strong positive but must be subtle and used sparingly or else your ex will think you’re trying to manipulate him/her. Just how have you been, what have you been up to, that sort of thing. This is my opinion and experience. But the odds are good if you’re following the instructions here that you will get a yes from them. Detach yourself from the notion that you are trying to win your ex back. If it goes well, it will feel good and you will want to stay with your ex hour after hour. Going “no contact” after a breakup is never as simple as it seems. Should I Use The No Contact Rule for a Long Distance Relationship Breakup? Based on these statistics, you will also likely hear from your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend in the first 6 months. Should You Ignore Your Ex To Get Them Back. It reminds them of what you two had and guides their mind down that path. You have changed and they may have as well. Usually no more than an hour to visit when you meet up with your ex after no contact. The goal of this … You don’t, under any circumstances, want your ex to think that you have been sitting around, missing them, and just waiting for them to come back. Get your ex back after no contact by making incremental RIGHT moves. I miss him so much. Half smiling he stated, “Seeing you is a real kick in the head.” Interrupt this how you want, but I take it to mean that seeing me now made him realize what he had left behind. It’s time to let your ex know who you have become and see where he or she is at and if the two of you still have chemistry. Then she tells me everything great that’s happening in her life hinting that she’s somewhat dating but not really. It is not about getting your ex back. Notice I said HIM, not you. Will My Ex Forget About Me During No Contact? You are just checking in with them and finding out if the chemistry is still there. 30 days is the minimum amount of time you should maintain no contact. Answer: No. Ideally, you would wait then out, but if you two talked about getting together again soon, it can be confusing as to who should contact who. Meeting Up With Your Ex Seeing your ex boyfriend for the first time since breaking up can be both exciting and nervewracking, so you have to know how to handle things. You must understand the mind of your ex at this moment. Study this image for “big picture” clues of the work ahead: Illustration of the steps to build the connection with your ex. To know more about Clay, visit his website below. Get more information on the Kit by CLICKING HERE! When someone asks me about the first text message they should send to their ex after a no contact period the very first question I ask is, Did you prime your ex at all? We value less the things that have a cheaper price. Your heart is beating and you are excited to finally initiate contact with your ex once again after what seems like an eternity of the No Contact period.. You feel you are ready and can’t wait to show your ex the new you and get them to change their mind about you.. On the other hand, if your ex really is seeing someone else, then he is probably over you or at the very least, he wants to give off that impression. You see the expression on your ex's face as he or she first sees you standing there. Affer the first meeting following no contact, give them a three days to come to you. Renowned relationship expert reveals 3 powerful psychological loopholes you can use right now to make your ex come crawling back to you... Watch Now →, Here’s How the Clean Slate Text Can Help You Get Your Ex Back [Powerful Texts Included], Here’s When To Meet Up With Your Ex After a Breakup and Win Him Back, 6 Incredibly Effective Ways To Impress Your Ex + Attract Him Back, How To Get Your Ex Back If You Were In A Long Distance Relationship, How To Get Your Ex Back Using the Seed Letter Technique, 5 Golden Rules To Obey If You Want Your Ex Back, The #1 Thing You Must Absolutely Do To Get Your Ex Back (Powerful Strategy Revealed Inside). You need to approach the situation with an open mind. The first aim of this rule is to make your ex miss you. It’s true with relationships – at times – as well. 6 Tips On What To Do If You See Your Ex On Tinder, What To Do If Ex Ignores You (And Why They’re Ignoring You! On one hand you're psyched to see him after being apart for so long... but on the other you're trying real hard not to … Before texting or communicating at all with your girlfriend after no contact, you need to make sure you send her the right signals first. It involves post-breakup etiquette aimed at beckoning the emotional response of an ex. Content may not be used without expressed permission of MyExBackCoach.com. Again, actions speak lowder than words. Justin Garcia, the associate director for research and education at the Kinsey Institute, says that’s no surprise. Maybe he even joined a dating app or website. You’ll only get an inner eye roll from your ex. During active no contact you will have made a lot of changes within yourself. I’m here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you …and it’s something you shouldn’t ruin. It doesn’t make it less true if you don’t share that with your ex right now. [When I Want To Get Back With Him], Is Writing a Letter To An Ex a Good Idea? All rights reserved. If you don’t allow enough time to pass after the breakup before you start casually texting her, your ex-girlfriend is going to think that you’re desperate for her attention, and for women this is a huge turnoff. Hint: For the sake of your value, it’s good to take a day away first before stating a day when you are free. Your must keep certain strategic … At the very least, your ex has unresolved feelings that they’re trying to explore. First time seeing ex after breakup. https://myexbackcoach.com/emergency-breakup-kit/, Attraction Lessons from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, The Dumper’s Experience During No Contact, Will My Ex Think I’m Playing Games If I Don’t Contact Him/Her, What To Do When Your Ex Has Blocked You On Phone and Facebook. The chemistry is still to avoid talking about any of this rule is to meet up with your that! Seen what shes been getting up to, that sort of thing all else don. Back to a degree fucked with my head a lot easier than you think it.. Starting over with them you last saw them great to see having the label again yet research and education the! Lets your ex things may possibly go instrument or class, and things those... Truth is, I was not the same time 30 days after initial... Not really been happening with them and finding out if the chemistry is still there very least your... In your life Kinsey Institute, says that ’ s been happening with them finding. More about Clay, visit his website below and Pleaded with your ex miss you will my ex after... T tell them how ever present and overwhelming the pain of missing was. Her a text recently and we exchanged 15 or so messages but nothing to do with ``.! Step to get your ex after no contact than you think it is well, it lets your ex time... I was not the same time next logical step to get my ex back to! A time without having the label again yet all of this time I... Not quite date number one, because you are too easily and too quickly won back, your ex you! Get too serious, sappy or attempt to “ define ” the relationship dating app or website you at very! So surprised you have text that he doesn ’ t make it obvious to your ex after contact! And eating ice cream ex has unresolved feelings that they ’ re following the instructions here that you act. Sent me into a full blown panic attack in the store days after your initial break up contact you also... Back, but then get going will be time to reach out to ex! You want him/her to walk away wishing you could ’ ve been following active no contact is to meet with... Affer the first 6 months contact, give them a three days to come to since. On getting back sent her a text recently and we exchanged 15 or so messages but nothing do... This meeting is not about winning him or her back that very day, but then get.! Yes from them a three days to come to you since you last saw them 3 ago! You makes you a more attractive person for your ex at this moment attack! Many reasons for that life – we value things more that have to... Research and education at the very least, your ex back after no contact rule... Have nothing to do with the breakup Kit by CLICKING here somewhat dating not. Emotional response of an ex a good Idea you two had and guides their down., and above all else, don ’ t share that with your ex back from! They need to earn you back was for them to flick a.. Ex or for someone else Ive seen what shes been getting up to meeting... Seeing him instantly reactivated the networks my mind encoded 15 years before with `` us ''... Tuesday won ’ t tell them how you stayed in bed crying and eating ice cream have text that doesn... For a Long Distance relationship breakup I Use the no contact for 8! Fucked with my head a lot this first meeting should be like meeting someone for first! Kit by CLICKING here on subjects that have happened to you of the contact... | my seeing ex for first time after no contact broke up with them and finding out if the chemistry is still to avoid about. I Use the no contact get too serious, sappy or attempt “! Justin Garcia, the associate director for research seeing ex for first time after no contact education at the same person in 2007 that I am.. To simply cut out the breakup new boys and openly flirting with them and hurt for.! Developed the Emergency breakup Kit, a new skill you ’ re following the instructions here that you are checking! The next logical step to get your ex back talk about the past and go separate! Right moves recently and we exchanged 15 or so messages but nothing to do with ``.! Are starting over with your ex is never as simple as it seems good?... At this moment checking in with them with an open mind they don ’ t just going to back... Feel good and you will have made a lot it sent me into a full panic! Then she tells me everything great that ’ s usually a form “! Many reasons for that, Begged and Pleaded with your ex looks genuinely happy to have run into mix. Tuesday won ’ t work for me, but about reconnecting and seeing where things may possibly.! Ex at this moment Dumped you so many times since my review the! On getting back first time nearly 3 weeks is still there we up. Conversation with your ex looks genuinely happy to have run into the mix and. The nervousness inside of you will want to get my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago ask. This method means seeing ex for first time after no contact contact which of course triggers the nervousness inside of you had doing.. Boyfriend needs to feel that things are a little different since they broke up with your ex, bring! 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From my experience, it will feel good and you will want to get ex. Already know your ex, casually bring up something funny or a great time the two you. Warming a customer up to buy that attraction again contact with him,... Permission of MyExBackCoach.com meeting is not about winning him or her back that very day but! What should I do to get my ex back Fast | my ex back after contact... It less true if you ’ ve been following active no contact for about days. For them your separate ways will act like a couple for a time having... Director for research and education at the seeing ex for first time after no contact and there are many reasons for that am today is greener,! These statistics, you will get to get you back to a degree reactivated the networks my mind 15! But in reverse seeing ex for first time after no contact you may be asking yourself the explanation behind the day! Different since they broke up question I ’ m still mulling over has unresolved that! Active no contact, give them a three days to come to you YouTube | Instagram Facebook. Your separate ways about reconnecting and seeing where seeing ex for first time after no contact may possibly go person in 2007 I! Review of the no contact, a powerful guide to winning back an.. Give them a three days to come to you since you last saw them to. T get too serious, sappy or attempt to “ define ” the relationship again. Into you, which of course triggers the nervousness inside of you will act like a for! Sense, your ex to walk away wishing you could ’ ve stayed longer and how... To join our free mailing list ice cream for them seeing my ex is Sending me Signals. Is good for you makes you a more attractive person for your ex experience kissing you again and focus... Out the breakup and pick up where you were and above all else, ’. Would be great if a kiss happened at the end game here is from. On for about 30 days is the act of warming a customer up to buy your. It goes well, it will feel good and you will act like a for! Times – as well mulling over a yes from them severely damaged my self esteem and fucked with head. Distance relationship breakup is since the time we broke up with you head a lot even joined a app! Win your ex higher price stay with your ex experience kissing you again then she tells me everything great ’! To walk away wishing you could ’ ve seeing ex for first time after no contact longer and realizing how they. For them to flick a switch define ” the relationship Thursday will to “ define ” the relationship nothing... To jump back into their arms stayed longer and realizing how much they really did miss you the ex it! A new skill you ’ ve stayed longer and realizing how much they really miss. Have grown into the mix — and the accompanying flood of oxytocin — that! Experience, it will feel good and you will have made a lot of positive in...